


Cannibal Cook-off

by Azvee



Series: Cooks, Cannibals, Consultants, and Cuddles [4]
Category: Hannibal (TV), Hannibal Lecter Series - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Restaurant, Crack, Gordon Ramsay is also a Cannibal, Hannibal is a Cannibal, Hannibal is surrounded by fried food and sweaty people, M/M, cooking contest, puns, this is every bit as strange/stupid as you're imagining it to be
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-28
Updated: 2015-07-27
Packaged: 2018-04-11 16:18:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4442666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azvee/pseuds/Azvee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Gordon Ramsay (rival chef and serial killer) reappears to challenge Hannibal to a cooking contest, Hannibal has no choice but to accept. Now he and Will must brave a county fair for the ultimate prize. Bragging rights.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cannibal Cook-off

Hannibal really shouldn’t have been surprised by the return of Gordon Ramsay. He hadn’t seen the man since the night of Mrs. Komeda’s party almost three months ago. The rival chef/serial killer was long overdue for an unwanted appearance in Hannibal’s life.

What bothered Hannibal most about the man’s reappearance wasn’t that he was once again an uncalled for nuisance in his place of work, but his choice of timing. It could have been mere coincidence that Gordon’s visit happened to be in the middle of Will’s own morning visit, but Hannibal doubted it was. As much as Hannibal was loath to admit it, Gordon was actually quite calculating under all the swearing and classlessness. Which only made his interruption of the latest addition to Hannibal’s morning routine that much more annoying.

“Good morning, Hannibal Lecter,” The British man called out while strolling into the Ravenstag. Gordon ignored the looks given him by both Hannibal and his staff and instead chose to focus his attentions on Will. “And hello, Mr. Graham. You are looking lovely as always. Still hanging out with this pompous ass?”

“We’re dating now,” Hannibal answered even though he knew that Gordon must already have known as much.

“Congratulations. Run into any issues yet?”

“Everything’s been perfect, thanks for asking,” Will replied in a carefully neutral tone.

“Really? Well you know where to find me if that ever changes.”

“Why are you here, Gordon?” Hannibal asked. He was fine with bearing the brunt of Gordon’s unwanted presence if it meant he could spare Will from the idiot’s advances.

“Right,” Gordon said as he finally turned towards Hannibal. “I just got distracted by Will’s beauty for a moment. I came in to see if you’d heard about the cooking contest happening next weekend.”

“I am aware of it.” The local county fair always had a contest to see who could make the best dish. Something cheap, greasy, and poorly cooked was picked out as the winner every year. Hannibal found the whole concept rather unappealing.

“That’s funny, because when I asked if you’d entered they said no.”

“That would be because I don’t plan on entering.”

“Really?” Gordon replied in a shocked tone. “It’s a great way to plug your business with the local population. Plus, I thought we’d finally get to see that I’m the better chef.”

“Please. As if anyone with even an ounce of taste would ever consider your attempts at cooking better than my art.”

“I would have suggested that we ask Will, but he’d be forced to lie now that you two are involved. I guess now we’ll never know who the best chef is.” Gordon let that thought hang in the air a moment longer before starting towards the door. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I must go serve my morning rush and prepare for the contest. Good luck with your empty restaurant, Hannibal. Come visit when you get tired of his shit, Will. Door’s always open to you.”

Will waited until the doors closed behind Gordon before turning towards Hannibal and asking, “You’re not really going to fall for that, are you?”

“He’s challenging my honor, Will. Duty calls and I must answer her.”

“Do you even know what it’s like at one of these fairs?” Will asked. “They’re loud and dirty. The place is full of screaming kids and deep fried candy bars. It’s not exactly what I’d associate with Hannibal Lecter.”

“And you’re right of course,” Hannibal replied. “But I need to beat him. I’m willing to endure the dirt of it means that I can finally prove to Gordon that my skills far outrank his”

“Just don’t wear a suit.”

"I’ll try to resist the urge.”

“I don’t normally like crowds, but I have to come see you try to survive the day.”

“Thank you for the vote of confidence.”

“I meant that in the nicest way possible.”

“Of course you did,” Hannibal responded with a slight smile. “Come over after work tonight so I can try a few sample dishes out on you tonight.”

“Fine,” Will said with an exaggerated sigh. “But only so I can watch that smug grin fall off of Gordon’s face for a few seconds.”

“Oh, Will, you are divine.” Hannibal said before kissing Will. He’d beat Gordon not just for himself now; he’d do it for Will too.

**Author's Note:**

> So fun fact: I wrote most of this on receipt tape between 6am an 8am at work the other day. Which means I technically got paid to write this.
> 
> Come leave a comment down below, I'd love to hear what you have to say!


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